artist statement

 

     My inspiration stems from periods of trauma, from visibly evident conditions to those unseen, or conditions that are felt in a collective, empathetic sense.  Though complex thought prompts me to constantly evaluate what these traumas mean in an abstract sense relating to my identity and personhood, I am often struck by moments where those grand-scale thoughts fall away and I feel occupied only by a small child who is mortally emotionally wounded by something as simplistic as being given the wrong type of utensil at a dinner table.  It is in these moments that I find the most clarity. 

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    I believe that I was the most beautifully genuine version of myself at around 6-7 years old, and experienced a steep decline in the core contents of my being from that point onward.  For years I wistfully revered the icon of that lost child, wishing for her return.  Now, at 21 years old, I believe that I am closer to that genuine state than ever.  The nostalgia that I have been so focused on for a simpler time has revealed itself to be a damaging distraction; why yearn to be something less than what you can be.  It wasn’t until this year, when I turned 21 and left the conventional range of childhood, that I truly realized how counter-productive this lust for the past had been. 

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    I don’t idolize the ignorance of my youth, I don’t wish I could be an uneducated being without a developing understanding of love, philosophy, history, etc.  Rather I realized that the moments in which the ache for times past are more prevalent are those moments when I regress to that wounded child archetype, and I want more than anything to have a brightly-colored band aid pressed lovingly over my scraped knees.  Before realizing this, I had been subconsciously searching for a way to reconcile my identity as fully formed despite this disconnect, despite my stance as a mortally wounded child.  Dismissing these urges again and again, attributing them to narcissistic ideals, I found myself desperately clinging onto those moments that have hurt me.  People say to “get over it & move on”, but if I were to bury the way I feel beneath a façade of empty “adult” activities I know deep inside myself that I’d never transcend my wounded child- but that transcendence isn’t my aim.   I want to be one whole being, at peace with myself and the way I project my consciousness into the world. 

 

    Formally my work addresses themes of nostalgia, loss, longing, and trauma through a lense of art history, psychology, and philosophical ideas.  Through tender mark making and a varied range of intensive, obsessive repetition I am continually confronting my thoughts, my ideas, my identity, and myself.  Beyond that, I am seeking balance and revelation.  It is my belief that unless you know yourself and are at peace with the elements of your past that inform your unique human experience you will never truly be content or have an impact on the people occupying the world around you and beyond yourself. 

 

    It is my hope that my work’s imagery, though specific to my traumas and experiences, can open up to those people who view it, connecting to their own arsenal of human experience and confronting them in a similar way to how I confront myself while making these works.  Through vulnerability and idealism the structured, harsh realism of my adult personality is nurtured, and I find myself becoming more and more content with myself.